Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
