yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
