yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
