i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
