Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
