when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
