I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize