Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
