chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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