he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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