i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Houston, we have a blender
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Pooping to opera.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
