Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yo dont text me then not text me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
