i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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