I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
