I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
