you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
