He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She announced her abortion via fbk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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