She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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