can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
