Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize