So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
