Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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