I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
