Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh god it's open bar.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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