So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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