There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
