anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
