the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
