Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
