1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
