You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
