did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
