i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Randomize
