You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
