thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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