My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Still dying that you shit outside
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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