I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
