Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
