we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize