I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
