I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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