Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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