i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
