Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
