i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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