maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
