Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
