I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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