does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize