Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
