She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
