So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wish my penis had a tongue
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
