can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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