woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
