I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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