well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
