I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
