is your mom at the bar?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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