i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
