too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
