He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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