Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
