Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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