The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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