FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
