I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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