you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
