walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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